Having been on the other side of the WNTT (pronounced 'Want') with some very personal and sensitive decisions recently, I have to tell you I didn't like it. I want to propose a new approach: "Can I ask you a question?" Because CIAYAQ(or Kayak) does not replace WNTT in practice, we must agree to sincerely inquire, to learn and be open to hear the answer and work to find it's value. So some agreements:
- Be respectful at all times
- Ask only a question we are open to hear and consider the answer to
- Be candid about our opinions and do not advocate them
- Ask honest questions, those we really want answers to, not those that are leading or pointed
Through the storms in my life, most recently and vividly, Hurricane Ike, candles have been a source of comfort, community and illumination. I'd like to invite you to the table to have an open conversation about the questions and assumptions we carry, that form us and our vision of our world and each other. Please join me.
Tomorrow... how all this came about.
You are my lady forever
ReplyDeleteYou invite us to a hard table, asking us to be conscious of ourselves and of our speech and reactions. This is an unusual way to interact; it's not what my parents did, nor my school teachers, nor my social groups, nor my work groups. There is work here, being ever conscious; it is humbling, sometimes excrutiating to see and hear ourselves so clearly, so deliberately. We will stumble and trip over our tongues and reveal ourselves so nakedly. You ask us to be vulnerable and accountable rather than defensive; what a challenge!
ReplyDeleteWhat an opportunity! To act (either listening or speaking)in an honest, open manner. We have learned to be closed, to be subtle, to never show our cards, to "never let 'em see you sweat!" What would it be, I wonder, to put that armor down and be as guileless as a young child, fascinated with the world? What would it mean to let someone truly "see" and "hear" us, as we are?
Throughout our lives we seek (we think) someone who can see past our facades and love us for who we are, someone to "get" us. But we fear this also. Our fear is something like: "If you see me as I truly am and don't love me, then there's a good chance it's because you saw my flaws, my woundedness, my limitations. Can I risk it?"
A hard table, indeed! And the freedom of successfully putting down the mask and the armour... worth the effort, worth the risk.