I've been asked recently if I have enjoyed the process leading up to becoming a full member of the Roman Catholic Church. It has been a remarkable time marked by soul-wrenching, uncertain, self-doubting, faithless, joyful, enlightening, confusing and peaceful moments.
Several years ago, I went on a business trip to Singapore, India, Indonesia and Hong Kong. When I got back I was asked the same question, did I enjoy the trip. Not to be picky, but enjoy is not the word I would choose. I have always said it was the best trip I ever had that I did not enjoy having. It was eventful: being tested by our Chinese hosts to see what they could get us to eat, India with the Taj Mahal, pollution, snake charmers, color, chaos, poverty, disease and promise, in the midst of the Bataam jungle shown the Indonesian cook's special choice for my lunch - a live, 3 foot iguana held in a Tupperware tub out back that he wanted to butcher and prepare at my table, the web of dark alleys full of shops and life woven behind the high-rent, high-rises of pre-China Hong Kong. It was fascinating, mind-numbing, revelatory, exhausting, funny and horrifying. And I will never experience it again.
Now, that is the second best trip I have ever had. Today, I and my two children were confirmed in the Roman Catholic Church and recieved our first communion. It's interesting to me that a trip to the most foreign place I have experienced and joining the Catholic Church somehow equate in my mind and heart. I am a military brat. New and different is not new and different for me. It is a way of life. I feel as though I have come home and I feel as though, while I may not have walked through the fires of hell to do so, it did get a bit warm and there was definately a whiff or two of brimstone.
I gave this decision, maybe because of my age, or maybe the because of the process to get here, much more prayerful consideration than my marriages. Becoming a member of the Roman Catholic Church is a sacrament, one of seven visible signs of an invisible reality in which God is uniquely active. As a Protestant, there were two - Baptism and Eucharist (Holy Communion). Because they weren't sacraments, I could move my church membership or divorce at will, and did. Today, I was welcomed into a faith that I will embrace to death and beyond. That's kind of a big deal.
It's been an amazing few weeks. I want to thank Arlene, our loving friend who gently guided us through our journey, my daughter for following her heart, being persistant in her belief and encouraging us along the way and my son for his openess, faith and humor.
Tonight, after many weeks, I sit here writing to you peaceful, tired and, finally, with much to say.
Several years ago, I went on a business trip to Singapore, India, Indonesia and Hong Kong. When I got back I was asked the same question, did I enjoy the trip. Not to be picky, but enjoy is not the word I would choose. I have always said it was the best trip I ever had that I did not enjoy having. It was eventful: being tested by our Chinese hosts to see what they could get us to eat, India with the Taj Mahal, pollution, snake charmers, color, chaos, poverty, disease and promise, in the midst of the Bataam jungle shown the Indonesian cook's special choice for my lunch - a live, 3 foot iguana held in a Tupperware tub out back that he wanted to butcher and prepare at my table, the web of dark alleys full of shops and life woven behind the high-rent, high-rises of pre-China Hong Kong. It was fascinating, mind-numbing, revelatory, exhausting, funny and horrifying. And I will never experience it again.
Now, that is the second best trip I have ever had. Today, I and my two children were confirmed in the Roman Catholic Church and recieved our first communion. It's interesting to me that a trip to the most foreign place I have experienced and joining the Catholic Church somehow equate in my mind and heart. I am a military brat. New and different is not new and different for me. It is a way of life. I feel as though I have come home and I feel as though, while I may not have walked through the fires of hell to do so, it did get a bit warm and there was definately a whiff or two of brimstone.
I gave this decision, maybe because of my age, or maybe the because of the process to get here, much more prayerful consideration than my marriages. Becoming a member of the Roman Catholic Church is a sacrament, one of seven visible signs of an invisible reality in which God is uniquely active. As a Protestant, there were two - Baptism and Eucharist (Holy Communion). Because they weren't sacraments, I could move my church membership or divorce at will, and did. Today, I was welcomed into a faith that I will embrace to death and beyond. That's kind of a big deal.
It's been an amazing few weeks. I want to thank Arlene, our loving friend who gently guided us through our journey, my daughter for following her heart, being persistant in her belief and encouraging us along the way and my son for his openess, faith and humor.
Tonight, after many weeks, I sit here writing to you peaceful, tired and, finally, with much to say.
Marian!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you all weekend! I'm so excited for you and your family. I know how hard this last year has been. I recognize well that "whiff of brimstone".
I wish I could have been there yesterday morning to watch- I had to serve at 11 and apparently am too lazy to attend Mass twice in a row. I will never forget the first time I received. Our parish had a young seminarian, just installed as deacon (but not in our parish - he grew up there, family still there and had come home for Easter and assisted our pastor). He was so young, so on fire, so sweet. He held out the host to me and said, "Jackie - the body of Christ."
Hearing my name and receiving from that boy, who I knew believed in what he was doing with all his heart, was too much for me. I started to cry and I think I cried all the way through the rest of the night!
There was something so "right" about receiving that first time in that way. I looked at that boy, who was joyfully giving his whole life to Christ. I knew that he had made a great sacrifice to follow God's call in his life. Just as I had. It felt like I had made just as big a sacrifice as he had, it had been so hard to follow Christ into the Church. I had to give God all my pride, all my comfort, all my certainty.
I still get that "whiff of brimstone" every now and then. Doubts come, and I long to go back to what was easy and comfortable. But in the end, I find it worth the sacrifice.
To whom shall I go, Lord? You have the words of eternal life.
Welcome home Marian.
Jackie
Thank you my friend. Life is a long, strange ride. I feel like I did as a freshman - excited, interested, confused and eager to get started. I am truly happy to say today: I am Catholic. Now I will spend my life figuring out what that fully means. Along the way, I will never forget the smell of that sacramental oil.
ReplyDeleteMy heart bursts with joy for you all. I wish I could have been there in body as well as in spirit.
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